December 2002. At the end of each year, many of us reflect back in time to the goals and priorities we established 12 months earlier, and take a few moments to think about how successful we were with them. It is in this time of reflection that we discover how effective we were in dealing with our conflicting priorities, and how much life has taken control of us, versus us taking control of our lives. With that in mind, I would like to share an end-of-year letter with you.

This letter came to me from Catherine, which is not her real name. Catherine travels extensively in her career and needed a portable exercise program. She and I worked together in the early Spring to design something that would be effective for her, even with the chronic pain in her body. After development of her program, she chose to work it on her own over the course of the year. However, as it turns out, when left to her own devices and the changing conditions of her life, things began to fall apart. Here are her own words.

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"Dear Angela,

I wish I was writing you with a great weight loss success story. However, I am not. This past year has been very difficult for me.

For some reason I didn't navigate some body changes well. For instance, my onset of arthritis within my neck, shoulders and knees have stopped me from diving in my backyard pool, golfing, skiing, running and gardening. This resulted in a total change in my self-image to one of a non-athlete versus an athlete and has resulted in a total loss of all of my hobbies and stress relief. This was the case even when I was exercising regularly and eating well. If the arthritis isn't enough, I also have been experiencing early
menopause which has changed how I feel as a woman and has caused sleep deprivation as well. These challenges have made me feel so much older than I am in age and has lead to depression.

Overall I am a strong, motivated person. Otherwise I wouldn't have been a two-time State Diving Champion in high school, a top gymnast in the state, voted Athlete of the Year my senior year in high school -- and in terms of work, a Vice President position within my company. Basically, I understand setting goals, building a plan and working the plan. Angela, you guide your clients well in that regard.

However, I didn't navigate these body changes well. Where I had achieved a great body weight and body image in 2001, the changes of middle age took over my body and mental well being and left me on a spiral downhill. As I looked amongst my friends I began to feel alone in this challenge. I began to feel weak. These two feelings lead to the depression and self-esteem challenge that I have been navigating out of this past year.

The good news.

I am trying to get a handle on things. I am trying to get motivated to move forward. However, I am looking at a 15 to 20 pound weight challenge and the ongoing arthritis, menopause and work environment of travel and 12 hour work days that I need to navigate. Additionally, I have to regain my rhythm of getting up early to do 30 to 45 minutes on the Elliptical plus weight training and eating sensibly.

I will persevere. I must persevere. That is why I enjoy reading your regular articles. I am trying to regain the motivation.

All that said. Please keep up the good work you are doing and have a great holiday. "

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Needless to say, my heart ached terribly when I read Catherine's story, but it also found joy in her statement of strength. At least Catherine recognizes the problem, can itemize the reasons for the problem, and has the courage to decide to go forward and make her situation better. I share this story with you because I believe there are many, many women who can relate to it, and I want to provide hope in the face of what may be hopelessness.

There are many things that can help in this situation. While we can experience great success and joy if we are able to focus on and exercise control over one aspect of our lives, I believe that pain surfaces when our lives are out of balance for too long. First and foremost, it is critical to understand that health is achieved through the realization of and care for each aspect of our 3-tiered being -- spirit, mind and body.

We do the mind-thing pretty well. In fact, as American women, we probably overdo this aspect of our lives to the detriment of the rest of being. Most of the professional women I work with achieve a healthy mind-aspect through challenging careers. The constant analysis of an ever-changing work-environment provides plenty of stimulus for the mind. Women also find their minds stimulated through raising their families and working in other aspects of society. With the amount of information and other stimulus that crosses our paths on a daily basis, for the most part, this aspect is not neglected.

The most obvious tier of our being is our body. The health of our body is primarily attained through satisfying a baseline of eating plenty of whole foods, drinking plenty of water, and getting plenty of exercise and rest. These components are relevant, for the most part, even when an individual is suffering from chronic pain. In fact, it is the action of "exercising" these components which may, over time, turn the condition around. While we often seek quick fixes like a massage, or a chiropractic adjustment, or something similar in nature, it is going through the daily grind, as it were, of exercise and proper nutrition that will best correct the condition in the long run. In fact, recent research suggests that chronic conditions such as arthritis, menopause, and fibromyalgia are best served by exercise programs which include plenty of stretching, cardiovascular exercise and mild-to-moderate resistance training.

Once the baseline of exercise and nutrition is provided, we can add supplementation of certain vitamins, herbs and other nutritional items. As an example, research has shown that Glucosamine, Vitamin E, and Flaxseed, to name a few, are effective in dealing with chronic arthritis. Vitamin E, Black Cohosh, Soy, Flaxseed and Red Clover have been found to minimize some of the conditions of menopause. Valerian and Melatonin have been found to help with sleep disorders, and DHEA, Ginseng, B Vitamins, Ginger, Licorice and Wild Yam, to name a few, have been recommended to be effective against the toxins and pain associated with fibromyalgia. We, however, have to take them diligently as prescribed for weeks-to-months for the effects to begin to be seen. And we have to keep taking them over the course of our lives in order to keep the pain under control.

Moreover, we can benefit from regular work with healthcare providers. Research indicates that physical therapy, massage therapy, acupuncture and food-allergy testing are effective for the long-term care of fibromyalgia and arthritis. These therapies are not meant to be quick-fixes but, like everything else, need to be performed on a daily-to-weekly basis over the long term. While a massage may make the condition feel better for a day or two, the pain will continue to come back without a long-term pain management program.

In addition to exercise for the mind and body, we need to pay attention to our spirits. The exercise of our spirit may be the most important aspect, as I believe we are spirits which live in a body and have a mind. Our spirit is the essence of who we are. It is our spirit which suffers in bouts of depression and illness. It is our spirit which brings forth the courage when we need to be strong and get through the exercise. It is our spirit which pushes forward when our bodies are feeling pain. The joy and love that we need to survive and enjoy life comes from within our spirit. So what can we do to exercise this part of ourselves? Get quiet and listen. Learn to be comfortable in silence. Listen for the still quiet voice that guides you. Some find meditation to be effective. Others rely on prayer. Some find counseling and coaching to be necessary, and many people find that exercise in the form of yoga rejuvenates the spirit while exercising the body. Search within yourself and try what you feel led to try. Stick with it for several months before determining whether or not it's working. In our fast-paced, immediate-results-oriented society, we need to learn to take the necessary time for healthy lifestyles to begin to work for us.

While it's important to take time to reflect on who you are and what you need, take care, however, not to spend too much time reflecting on your relative weaknesses and failures. Depression may be nothing more than dwelling too much on your perceived negative aspects of yourself -- too much negative self-thought. Instead, once you realize there is a problem, focus your thoughts on the positive aspects of how you can help yourself and others. Literally take negative thoughts captive and force them out by replacing them with positive and beautiful thoughts. Take control of your mind by giving control to your spirit.

It is also essential to find a life's work that fulfills the essence of who you are. If you have peace, excitement and a deep sense of fulfillment with your work, you are probably in the right business. If, however, you find that the hours you have to put in are effecting you negatively, or that the work itself feels like a noose around your neck, or that you are not comfortable with the type of people you interact with on a daily basis, it is time for a change. No title, no glamour, no possession, no fame, and no paycheck is worth losing sleep, health and/or family over.

In a nutshell, take the time to find who you are and then establish the important priorities of your life, while committing to exercising them, literally. Map a course which cares for each of your 3 tiers and determine on a regular basis how you are doing against your goals.

Where is the joy in a life where there is so much pain that as Catherine says, there is a "total loss of all...hobbies and stress relief." It is paramount that our lives include the things that we love! We need to identify those things which rob them from us, and get rid of them. Are we working too much? Exercising too little or too much? Providing too much for others at the expense of ourselves? Not eating well enough? Drinking coffee at the expense of rest and water? Not taking our vitamins? Not working with essential healthcare providers? Are we traveling too much? Is the title and paycheck worth the deprivation of so many other things?

And lastly, never compare yourself to others. You are a beautiful and unique individual, with unique desires, talents, needs and conditions. If, however, you can't get past needing to compare yourself to someone, pick an inspirational person like Christopher Reeves, who finds joy and inspiration even in the face of extreme relative handicap.

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