July 2002. Raleigh, NC. Diets don't work and you know it. If you've tried one diet, chances are you've tried lots of them -- grapefruit, pill popping, liquid diets, high protein, etc. And you lost weight (not particularly fat), and then gained most-to-all of it back over time, didn't you? The sad truth is that for those of us who have been on the diet roller coaster, we will not be successful until we take care of the root of our problem.

You may tell yourself that the problem is that you're older now and your metabolism has slowed down, or that you live with too much stress, or that you lack the necessary willpower, or that you like "real" food too much, or that you don't have the time to exercise, or that it will absolutely take too long to lose everything you need to lose. Well, the truth of the matter is, that unless there are some other unusual circumstances, you are either over-fat because (1) you want to be or (2) you simply don't understand the truth behind what works. Today I'm going to cover number 1. When you find that you are truly ready to change your life, you'll need to understand the truth. That's when I can begin to help.

If you're fat because some part of you wants to be, then I'm sure I've just struck a nerve and hopefully over the course of this column you'll begin to forgive me. Consider this. Whether we're talking about 10 lbs, 50 lbs, or 100 lbs, you are fat because you are feeding a need. Think about it. If you have repeatedly tried and failed at it, there is some part of you that wants to do something about it, but there is a stronger part of you that doesn't. It's the stronger part that keeps you chained to your misery, keeps you crying in the silence and darkness, keeps you weak, frustrated and beaten down, and robs you of your power and self-confidence.

What need is your eating, your obesity, and your isolation serving for you? You would do well to think back to when the weight gain began. What was going on in your life at the time? Can you pinpoint something that made you feel stressed, lonely, happy, sad, scared, angry, depressed, afraid or isolated? It's not what you eat but WHY you eat (or don't eat) that has you. Are you afraid to lose your crutch? Afraid to lose your security blanket? Are you afraid to fail? Are you afraid to grow past your friends and family? Are you afraid to incorporate a new lifestyle? Are you afraid to attract attention? Are you afraid to lose that immediate comfort that food gives you? Are you afraid to let your job slow down enough to eat a good meal? Are you afraid to get out into the public and be rejected -- or rather, be accepted? What is driving you to eat? What is driving you to remain in something that you hate -- something that you would absolutely love to change? Think about that. Your disease may be a disease of choice. You need to know why you make the choice before you can ever begin to be successful at a healthy program.

Yes, you are bombarded by the fast food/packaged food industry's marketing, but why are some people able to withstand the temptation and some aren't? You don't need someone to tell you that calories in > calories out = weight gain. You know that. You don't need to be told that eating dessert at every networking event is going to add breadth to your backside. You know that, too. And you don't need to be told that obesity is factored into the nation's top 3 deadly diseases and that continuing on the path that you are on is robbing society, those who love you and yourself. You are overweight because you work at it. It's about emotion, not physical need. You set it up that way -- your thinking, your emotion, your lifestyle. It's not a natural way to be. Do you believe you can change? Do you believe you can be lean, powerful and happy? Unless the answer is yes, you will not be successful at achieving your dream. In any other situation that goes amiss in your life, you would put forth the necessary effort to change it, wouldn't you? Why is it then that you choose to abuse food? Because it's socially acceptable? Because it's your only source of comfort? Because it's your only source of control? Because it's your only source of freedom? You self-medicate, celebrate, entertain, relax and hide with it. To get beyond it, you need a new realization and then you need a new and strong strategy.

Please understand I am not judging. My words are written because of my love and compassion for you. I had my own battle with smoking. I hated myself for it. I was embarrassed when people would look at me disgustedly when I lit up. I was so frustrated with my inability to quit, and I tried and tried for 4 years.

1st: I would crumple up the pack at night so that I would start the next day without any, and then the next morning I would uncrumple the pack and piece together segments, smoking them without the filter.

2nd: I decided I could better outwit myself and not only would crumple the pack, but would wet it down. But the next morning I would have the pieces in the microwave drying them out before piecing them back together.

3rd: I would crumple, wet, and shred the packs, but the next morning I would be up and at the store at 4:30am waiting for it to open so that I could buy some. It wasn't until I realized that I was smoking because I wanted to, and trying to quit because I felt obligated and pressured that I was able to quit. I had to want it -- for me, and then I was able to fight the good fight and win (7 years ago) -- by learning substitution and incorporating a new lifestyle.

I'm telling you, I know what it's like to be in the battle -- to feel disgusted, powerless, ashamed, ugly, worthless, weak, etc, and to think that failure is a certainty. Even though my battle was absolutely the hardest thing I have ever had to go through (even harder than completing a full-time graduate program while excelling at a full-time career), I won and it was/is so worth it. My struggle prepared me for other battles to come, and put me on the road to ever-deepening strength and health. You can do it, too.

My job is to lift people up. Do you love yourself? I do now! If you don't (yet) I can relate to you, and can help you get through the battle, and promise to love and encourage you in it. That's what I do, and I'm here for you. You are beautiful and worthwhile regardless of where you are and the challenges you face. If I can help you meet those challenges and assist you in reaching the point where you feel better, more powerful, and more beautiful, just call me today, okay? I am waiting to serve you and I consider it an honor and a privilege to be allowed. . .